This year is seriously going by so fast! We're already a QUARTER of the way through the year people! That's insane, just saying. Anyway, moving on. How did I do in April? Well, see for yourself:

Two out of three. Seems to be consistent with the theme as of late, hahaa. But all things considered I'm really happy with how I did in April, mainly because the two goals I managed to accomplish were the most important ones in my mind. I ended up winning Round 3 of my DietBet (YAY), and I DEFINITELY had a better attitude this month. I didn't feel victimized, I didn't feel helpless. I felt totally and 100% in control. And I owned my decisions. Not only did I totally rock almost an entire week back home in Michigan, leading me to a 2.6 pound loss) but I also was able to take an entire week off, give myself a little mental reset, and jump back into the game, AND only gain .2 pounds in the process - which, as I said before, in my mind is basically maintaining. Two pretty major victories for me.

So, all in all, April was a really good month for me. And I'm definitely ready for my next steps.

I'm looking forward to this next month. I really feel like I have a handle on things, FINALLY, and I'm in a really good place mentally. I have fully accepted that this process will take me a long time and I am comfortable with the weight coming off slow. Completing T25 did WONDERS to my confidence and really made me feel like I'm finally strong enough, mainly mentally, to finally get this job done. And I think May is only going to help me believe that even more! So, what's on the agenda this month?

• Reach the 170's: Yepp. I said it. I want to reach the next decade this month. As of today I am sitting comfortably mid-way through the 180's, and I fully am confident that I can lose enough weight this month to FINALLY be able to say goodbye to them ... once and for all!
• Get Moving Again: As I mentioned in my last weigh-in post, I decided to abandon my second round of T25. I think this is the best decision for my journey moving forward, however now I'm forced with the question: what do I do now? Should I start Insanity MAX:30? Should I finally get around to getting in some gym time? I'm not really sure just yet. But I know I have to figure it out and get back at it. I'm going to take the next week or two to figure out my next move, and then I'm going to make it! By the end of the month I will be back on the exercise wagon, and going strong!

I'm just going to stick with two this month. I feel like my second goal is going to be a big enough struggle in and of itself, so I don't want to take on too much. Plus with warmer weather right around the corner, temptations are going to start coming around again - so I want to be able to focus on those as well. Here's to the start of a great month ... and I can't wait to see what it brings!

This past week, I made a choice. I made a conscious decision to do something even though I knew it probably wasn't the best idea. But I did it anyway. I decided to have a cheat week - which explains my lack of posts since my last weigh-in.

I'm not entirely sure what made me decided to do it, especially considering how well I did when I went to Michigan last week. But for some reason it just felt right. I guess I felt like I needed it, not only to take a mental break from the idea of "losing weight" but because there are a lot of things going on life-wise right now. I guess the main thing is that Gian and I have decided to move once our lease is up at the end of June. We've done a lot of talking about it and decided we want to save a little bit on rent, so we've been scouting out buildings and researching units and ... well ... those who know me in real life know that I HATE moving. It stresses me out, and the last thing I want to do is focus on weight loss.

In addition to the moving element, I've had a really hard time getting back into my second round of T25. If you'll recall, Gian and I only got through the first two workouts of our second round before I had to leave for Michigan, so I decided to restart last Monday (April 20). Only this time Gian wasn't doing it with me anymore. If you recall, we decided to start doing the workouts in the mornings from now on so our evenings would be more open, and because he leaves for work two hours before I do, I was waking up about three hours before I needed to be at work. The first two mornings before I went to Michigan went by okay, but I did find myself with a lot of time and really nothing to do. We decided it was silly for me to keep doing that, and that I should just wake up when I needed to and do them myself. As I've mentioned a thousand times before, Gian isn't the biggest fan of at-home programs, and since he'd already completed T25 he wasn't really loving the idea of doing it again anyway, it made it even more silly for me to sacrifice so much time (and sleep) so that we could do it together. We agreed I would do the second round of T25 myself, and he would rejoin me (be it in the mornings or at night again) when I started Insanity MAX:30. A good plan - BUT - it didn't really work out that way. Having already done the program once, the workouts felt very redundant - especially redoing them so closely after my first go around. Without Gian there to keep me entertained I was having a very hard time keeping focused, and each morning I woke up to do the workouts I felt very, very annoyed. After the first three days, I decided to call it quits. I'm not really sure what my next steps are in terms of working out, whether it be moving on to Insanity MAX:30 or take some time off from the at-home programs and just stick it out at the gym for a bit, but I've decided to take some time and figure it out

Ergo - cheat week. And so, this morning I stepped on the scale. I knew I was going to see a gain, but I wasn't at all prepared for what I actually saw:

Only a .2 pound gain!? THAT'S IT!? I was amazed! But then I thought about it. I really didn't do THAT bad.

Even though I wasn't really "trying" and wasn't really in the 'weight loss mind set," for the most part I really didn't make terrible choices. I tracked and thought about weight loss when I felt like it, and when I didn't feel like it, I didn't. Some days were better than others - some days I actually ate what I've normally been eating on a 100% on-day. I did go a little overboard on Saturday - suburbs + sushi - but every other day I was actually pretty good. And because of that fact, I only ended up gaining .2 pounds. And let's face it, a .2-pound gain is pretty much maintaining! It's very comforting to know that I'm in a place mentally where I can choose take a little break without allowing it to completely sabotage all of my hard work - as I've done SO many times before. In the past, an off-week would turn into a multi-pound gain, or even a complete derailment, but not this time. And that feels awesome!

I'm heading into this new week feeling very good about where I am mentally. Even though I won't be getting right back into my workouts just yet, I know my eating will be on point, and I have 100% total confidence that I will see a good loss at my next weigh-in!

This week was an interesting week, to say the very least. It started off horribly - like, I can't even begin to put into words how absolutely devastated I was only a week ago today. My continued apologies on choosing to be vague about this so called "situation" I experienced this past week, but unfortunately I just can't find it in me to share it; especially now that it's essentially over and done with, and has only resulted in positive outcomes. The lessons learned have given me great hope in regards to many aspects of my future, not the least of which being my desire to continue improving myself and become the best me I possibly can be. At the end of the day, as horrible as it was, it was a much needed event to inspire the changes I need to make in myself. Beyond that, I'm choosing to remain silent.

BUT - moving on. With the start of the week, I had very little hope in my ability to make it through, not just emotionally - but weight-loss-wise. Knowing I'd be spending the majority of my week in Michigan, a place where I always seem to rediscover the urge to eat whatever I want, I knew I really had to focus and hold myself accountable for every single thing I put in my mouth. My diligence paid off, and lead me to winning the third round of my DietBet ... and it also lead me to this:

WOO! DOWN 2.6 POUNDS! I'm crazy, CRAZY proud of myself for that number. Coming off a lower loss last week I knew I was in for a larger number today, but because of being unexpected uprooted, forcing me to abandon my workouts and sacrifice my normal eating routine, I still had my doubts. I'm so damn happy I stuck it out and forced myself to make good choices. It definitely, DEFINITELY paid off.

The crazy thing about it is that I didn't even feel the desire to cheat. Well, that's not entirely true. On Friday when my girlfriends and I took a quick trip to McDonald's for dessert, I did somewhat consider ordering a hot fudge sundae - but I quickly remembered myself and snapped out of it in time to choose a yogurt parfait instead. That situation, and the bulk of my entire trip, really showed me that I've made some pretty miraculous changes. This journey, more so than any other I've been on, seems to be really, REALLY teaching me lessons - and in a positive way. Before, I would have a binge night, and I'd feel so guilty that I would be SO SO good for weeks after, only to buckle under the pressure and cheat again. This time, it's simple: eat 1600 calories a day. No magic powders or pills, no crazy regimen. Just eat 1600 calories a day. Period. Now, if I work out and have extra calories from what I burned, then I can eat a little extra. Sometimes I take advantage of that, and sometimes I don't. But if I don't work out, guess what? I eat 1600 calories. And it's working. Who'd have thought!?

I'm feeling really good going into this week. I feel strong and confident. I know I had a big loss today so I'm not expecting another, but I know I'll lose something - and that's all that matters!

This morning I weighed-in for my DietBet ... and the results are in:

I submitted my weigh-in and within minutes it was accepted. I am an official winner for this round! It feels really good, considering I missed out on it last round. But now that I have my calories right where they need to be and am seeing some pretty great things on the scale, I'm confident that moving forward I will only see victories! Let's take a look at where I need to be next round:

So, as of today, I need to lose 1.3 pounds in the next 29 days. I don't want to sound overly confident, but, PIECE OF CAKE! In fact, the rest of the challenge is going to be a piece of cake, with the percentages only dropping from here on out. I even considered joining another challenge NOW so I could be motivated more than I will be with the remainder of this challenge, but I decided against it. Knowing me I'd probably get confused about which challenge I had a weigh-in due for and all that, so I'll just wait it out. Maybe I'll use my winnings from this challenge and from my old one-month challenge to pay for it even! But for now, just happy sitting here in the winner's seat! SO EXCITED TO WEIGH-IN TOMORROW!

I'm back! First of all, I want to mention that the "personal crisis" that caused me to head to Michigan last week has slowly become what I would now consider to be a blessing in disguise. Although it was a horrible thing to happen, it has opened the door for a lot of really wonderful things that I don't believe would have happened otherwise. It was a very hard week for me, but I made it through, and there is a brighter future on the horizon because of it. I just wanted to mention that first and foremost before I got into the bulk of this post. Though I still do not want to divulge the exact details of what happened, I do want to emphasize one point: take nothing, and I mean NOTHING, for granted.

Anyway. Moving on.

Whenever I take a trip to Michigan, whether it be with Gian or a solo trip like this one, eating is always a problem. Generally in the past it's been expected for me to eat out, many meals a day, and throw all my better judgement out the window. I use the excuse "I'm on vacation" as a validation for eating whatever I want - and usually, I want horrible, horrible things: pizza, pastries, fast food constantly. I think back to the things I eat while driving around visiting family and friends, and it's no wonder I always come back to the city smack dab in the middle of a 2-5 pound weight gain - over the course of a three day weekend. And now, here I was, faced with FIVE WHOLE DAYS ... needless to say, I needed to approach this weekend very, VERY differently than I have all other weekends before. This time, I really needed to FOCUS.

The trip started when the "situation" occurred around 2:00 in the morning last Wednesday. I booked my train ticket immediately but still had about five hours to kill before I had to be at the station. Gian woke up and waited with me until I had to leave, and a few hours in we were starting to get a little hungry, so we went decided to take a quick walk over to McDonald's. I was pretty sick to my stomach from what happened and didn't have much of an appetite, but managed to force down my hashbrown (150 calories) and only about half of my Egg White Delight McMuffin (125 calories, for half). When we were finished I started packing a suitcase, while Gian packed something else: a lunchbox filled with healthy snacks to eat on the train - SkinnyPop, Greek yogurt, strawberries and low fat chocolate pudding, a protein bar, string cheese, an apple, and a big thermos of ice water to wash it all down. It's things like this that are the reason why I love this man. Shortly after I had to leave for the station, and when I sat on the train I was pretty much a zombie. I tried to nap (since I'd been up since 2AM) but wasn't very successful. I didn't end up even opening my lunchbox until I was about a half hour outside of Ann Arbor (around 1PM), where I decided to eat the Greek yogurt. I still wasn't hungry, but I knew I had to eat something. Several hours later, after dealing with the dilemma, my mom and I decided to pick up some Subway for dinner. I got a 6" Chicken Breast on wheat with Monterrey Cheddar, lettuce, spinach, onions, and light mayo (420 calories) and a bag of Garden Salsa Sun Chips, but was only able to eat the sandwich. I couldn't believe how little of an appetite I had, but considering the circumstances, I suppose it made sense.

CALORIC INTAKE FOR WEDNESDAY: 775 calories - not good. Way, WAY too low.

Late Wednesday night something happened that started making the situation a bit better, so I when I woke up Thursday morning I was in slightly better spirits. Things were still not looking great, but at lest my appetite came back to me. In spite of what was going on, my mom was very crazed at work and unfortunately wasn't able to take the rest of the week off. We decided it would be best for me to drop her off at her office and keep her car in case any developments were made. On the way to drop her off we picked up McDonald's again (this time finishing my entire meal for 400 calories). Midway through the morning I started getting a little hungry, remembering I had my Sun Chips left over from Wednesday's dinner - so they became my morning snack (210 calories), before I picked up my same Subway sandwich and a bowl of their baked potato soup for lunch (630 calories for the meal). The day inched by and felt like years, but eventually it began to come to a close. I decided I needed to get my mind off things so I met a friend of mine for dinner at Ruby Tuesday. We hadn't seen each other since she moved back home (she was living in Chicago for a while) so we had a lot to catch up on, not the least of which was the situation I was dealing with. Both trying to watch our weight, we decided on the salad bar. I unfortunately don't have an exact calorie count for my meal, but I pegged it around 600 calories. It was nice to catch up and clear my head about what I was going through, and by the end of the meal I was feeling a little better. On the drive home, I received a phone call that completely changed everything I was dealing with. Again without going into detail, this one phone call essentially erased the devastation of this situation. I knew there would still be a lot of things to deal with during the next few days, and a long journey ahead even after that, but there was hope again. And that meant the world.

CALORIC INTAKE FOR THURSDAY: 1840 calories - 240 calories over goal, but still a deficit for the day.

In light of the phone call I received Thursday night, my mom decided to head into work extremely early so she could have the majority of the day off. I let her take her car this time as I wouldn't be able to do much without her, plus she would be home relatively early. I scrounged around her kitchen and came up with some ingredients to make my own little breakfast sandwich - a bagel thin, black forest deli ham, an egg, and a slice of Weight Watchers cheese, totaling 290 calories. I knew we would have a lot of running around to do, and therefore would be eating out at least once, so I decided not to eat anything else with breakfast as well as skip my morning snack. A few hours later when my mom and I connected we got on the road and decided to stop for a quick lunch at Panera. I got half of the Bacon Turkey Bravo (390 calories, for half) and a cup of their broccoli cheese soup (my absolute favorite, at 220 calories). We spent the rest of the day tying up loose ends and finally it got to the point where there wasn't much left for me to do - at this point, it would be a waiting game. So, I decided to try and put everything out of my mind and enjoy the rest of my time home. The first step in that would be dinner and drinks with two of my oldest friends. We ordered unwiches from Jimmy John's (I got the Club Lulu, 495 calories) and almost cracked open a bottle of wine. However, my lack of sleep from the previous couple of nights forced me to decline the vino, and we decided to keep the night alcohol-free and relaxed. For dessert, I grabbed a Fudgsicle out of my friend's fridge (40 calories) - only to find out shortly afterwards that the two of them wanted to get treats from McDonald's. So, off we went, and while they ordered a Strawberry Shake and an Oreo McFlurry, I opted for the 150-calorie Fruit 'N Yogurt Parfait - which was still delicious! The night slowly came to a close, and I gently closed my eyes wrapped up on my friend's couch.

CALORIC INTAKE FOR FRIDAY: 1585 calories - MUCH better!

The next morning my friend was craving biscuits and gravy from Bob Evans. While she was getting ready I perused their website to try and figure out what I was going to order. I landed on their Lite Scrambled Eggs (aka. Eggbeaters), a side of their home fries, a slice of smoked ham, and a side of their low fat strawberry yogurt. After eating my eggs, potatoes, and ham, I only had room for about half my yogurt, bringing the entire meal to about 379 calories. After breakfast, we headed back to my friend's apartment to wait out my mom, who was heading to pick me up and take us to lunch with my grandma. My mom told me we were going to head to Applebee's, a restaurant I've considered for years to be one of the easier ones to eat at while watching your intake, having had many Weight Watcher's and low-calorie options in the past. I immediately went online to their menu to figure out what I would order before we arrived, and I decided I would take advantage of one of their lunch specials: half of a turkey sandwich and a chicken Caesar salad on the side. However, when we got seated and I was informed that their lunch specials do not flow into the weekend (a policy I've never understood in any restaurant) I was suddenly left without ideas. I skimmed through the menu, and although it contained a few options, nothing was grabbing me. My mom was in the same boat, having just found out that her favorite salad had been removed from their menu in one of their many updates. After a few minutes, we decided to leave and headed over to Panera instead, where we knew we could order something to fit both of our needs. Feeling a little hungrier than I had the rest of the trip, I decided to order half of their Roasted Turkey & Avocado BLT on Sourdough (250 calories, for half) and a bowl of their broccoli cheese soup (330 calories). After spending some time with my grandma, and swinging over to my aunt's for a quick hello, we headed back to my mom's. When we got back in the area we were feeling a bit hungry, so I told my mom about the dinner I'd had the night before, and how I thought she'd really enjoy one of Jimmy John's unwiches, so we stopped by the one near her house and picked up a couple for our dinner; this time I went with the Beach Club for 470 calories. The situation that had originally brought me to Michigan had really settled down by this point, so we decided to use the evening as a chance to just sit back, relax, and watch some Golden Girls, since I had to be at the train station early the next morning. While we vegged out, I went and grabbed a couple "dessert-y" treats: a Special K Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pasty Crisp (100 calories) and a pack of Welch's Fruit Snacks (80 calories).

CALORIC INTAKE FOR SATURDAY: 1609 calories - I don't think those 9 little calories will break the bank!

Sunday morning my mom and I were up bright and early to get me to the train on time. We made a repeat of the breakfast sandwich I made on Friday, only this time we used Eggbeaters instead of a full egg (bringing the total down to 245 calories), Shortly after my mom dropped me off at the station, and I PASSED OUT! It had been a long and stressful couple of days, and I really needed the break, finally. When I woke up, I started to feel a bit hungry, so I went into Gian's lunchbox that had been patiently waiting for me in my mom's fridge during my time in Michigan. Over the course of the train ride I had about a cup of the SkinnyPop (43 calories), the string cheese (100 calories), and the apple (72 calories).

Then I was FINALLY home! Gian surprised me at the station and then we headed off to his parents' house to watch the Blackhawks game. We decided to turn Sunday's dinner into a date night since I'd been gone all week, and made plans to head to this all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant. Knowing I'd be eating a lot there, I made myself a very small lunch at his parents', consisting of a 202-calorie [roughly] salad (greens, one slice of mortadella, one slice of light provolone, and two tablespoons of French dressing) and a 90-calorie granola bar. After heading to Costco to pick up a few things for the apartment, we swung over to the sushi place and proceeded to enjoy ourselves with edamame, gyoza, crab rangoon, shrimp dumplings, and several wonderful rolls. I'm assuming the meal landed somewhere around 1000 calories, bringing me a little over my goal for the day, but it was totally worth it.

CALORIC INTAKE FOR SUNDAY: 1752 calories - #ilovesushi

And, that's that. That was my weekend. So, what does that all mean? Well, I stepped on the scale this morning, and since last Wednesday (the day I left) I'm down 1.8 pounds! Not only did I not gain weight - but I actually LOST weight. I didn't work out a single time, I just watched my calories and made good decisions. And it TOTALLY paid off! I'm super proud of myself for being as diligent as I was. It really makes me feel good knowing that I was able to pull it off - and the craziest part about it was that I didn't even WANT to cheat! Cheating, though slightly tempting, didn't seem as worth it as it has in the past. I'm really hoping this is a sign of big changes happening my life - for the long haul!

ESPECIALLY because MY DIETBET ENDS TOMORROW! And as of today, I have already met my goal for this round, so that feels awesome! Not only am I [hopefully] going to make my goal, but I did it AT HOME for FIVE DAYS ... EATING OUT almost CONSTANTLY! That's huge for me, and means so much. I'm really starting to feel confident that I'm actually going to do this this time - I'm definitely on the right track to at least, and I'm so, SO proud of myself!

"What happened to T25, Sam? Are you still doing it?" Yes, of course I am. I did a little thinking and I decided to re-start the program this morning. Being that Gian and I were only two workouts in when I had to leave for Michigan, it made more sense to me to simply start over this week rather than try and "make up" last week. So this morning I got back at it and burned 276 calories with Alpha Cardio. "Wait, where's the picture?" Well, I've decided to stop taking them, mainly for space reasons on my blog. I don't want to use up all my storage with what are basically the same picture over and over again. As long as I keep posting my burns, I don't think the pictures are needed.

Aside from that, I just keep moving! I'm really feeling awesome about where I am with things now, and now that the "situation" is pretty much behind me, I can refocus on my journey, remembering this entire experience and using it to grow. I definitely learned a lot this past week, both from the situation itself and the aftermath it caused in terms of my having to be very diligent about my intake. All things considered it was definitely a good week for me, in terms of the long run. It just goes to show that things happen for a reason, and things work out in very mysterious ways!